Daddy's Dating Rules
by Tawnyblood
Summary: Matthew finally worked up the nerve to tell Francis and Arthur that he's dating Gilbert, but they're not very happy about it.../Inspired by that Daddy's Dating Rules joke... thing./There's a bit of PruCan and FrUk.


The day that Matthew told his former caretakers that he was dating, he never imagined that it would become like this. And what is _this_ exactly? Well, it was England stiffly standing up and dialing up Francis for what he called a 'family meeting.' And when Canada tried to excuse himself, Arthur snapped at him to sit back down. The man sitting besides Matthew didn't even bother talking and just waited for Francis to show up.

"You're late." Was all Arthur said when the door opened up with a soft _click_ that just seemed to echo throughout the empty silence of the living room. There was a soft chuckle from Francis as he hung up his long jacket on the coat rack and sauntered into the room, a pleasant smile on his face. "Nice to see you too, _ma puce_." He paused in place, surprise on his face when his eyes rested on the man sitting next to Matthew. He tried to exchange a glance with Arthur, but the other man was stubbornly glaring at Matthew's companion.

"Gilbert…" He greeted cautiously, carefully avoiding Arthur's gaze of daggers as he took the seat by the other blonde's side. "What are you doing here?"

The albino's mouth opened, but he was silenced by a quick jab to his side by Matthew. He peered blankly at the smaller male (Only by an inch or two) who refused to meet his eyes before shrugging at Francis. "I don't know. I was supposed to leave an hour ago." He smirked. "I bet Ludwig is pretty pissed off at me. It was my turn to wash the dishes…"

There was a scattering of nervous laughter from the others before it all died suddenly. Arthur coughed into his fist and turned his glare towards Matthew. The gaze softened up… just a bit. "Let me get this right…" He started, sparing just enough time to ensure that Francis was indeed listening. "You want to date _Gilbert._" Emerald green eyes narrowed at the mentioning of the ex-nation's name. "Gilbert. That Gilbert. You want to date him."

"W-Well actually… we already ar—"

"My Matthew and Gilbert?" Francis echoed, confusion on his face. He eyed the couple in front of him, sizing the two of them up, a look of utter doubt sketched onto his face. This could not be happening. Flat out could not be happening. His darling Matthew and his best friend: Gilbert? Dating? Mind is not computing!

But that flustered look on the youngest blonde's face told him all he needed to know. Francis watched in what was now bemused silence as the blonde's hand searched out Prussia's before intertwining with it. And if he looked real close and hard at Gilbert's face, he could see just a tiny bit of red there.

He clapped his hands, a cheerful smile splitting his face. "That's shocking news, but I'm very happy to hear that." He turned over to Arthur, his facial expression the exact opposite of Arthur's horrified one. "This is very good news so what's with that look? Did you know that if you frown too much, it gets stuck?" He cooed, hands reaching over to pat England's face.

England swatted them away before they were even a foot close to him. "Francis! You can't be serious! It's Matthew and Gilbert! GIL-BERT. It's the same Prussia that you told me about! The one that kicked you down that well and left you there for three days!"

"Hey! That was by acci—"

"Shut up."

"Yes, sir."

"Are you really going to let that Prussia go out with your former colo—"

"Yes I am so I don't see what the fuss is about." Francis said coolly, hands folded neatly in his lap as he coldly regarded the nation sitting next to him. A small smirk played at the corner of his lips as he watched Arthur struggle to come up with another reason besides the fact that he just didn't like it.

"It's Gilbert! You know that he doesn't commit to relationships! Not after that Austro-Hungarian incident."

"Hey, you know that I'm right here rig—"

"And my Angel, don't you know that I have a hard time letting go of my former colonies? If I'm perfectly fine with this, I don't see a reason why you aren't."

That effectively shut Arthur's mouth. His large eyebrows furrowed together as flashes of those horrible incidents danced through his mind, sending chills down his back. It was like Russia was in the room. His lip pulled themselves into a tight line and he fiddled about with his fingers. "Fine… but we're setting down some rules!" He snapped, successfully quelling any happiness that was about to burst from Mattie and Gilbert.

Oh well, at least they got through the hard part… right?

Apparently not.

Matthew visibly paled as Arthur sprung up from his seat and started pacing about in front of them, an amused Frenchman watching the tush as it moved. He stopped in front of Gilbert and glowered down at him, forcing the albino to look away. Arthur placed his hands on his hips and commanded, "Rule number one: If you pull up into his driveway and _honk_," He paused, viciously eyeing the ex-nation in front of him. "You better be delivering a package or something like that because you are not picking up anything. Got it?"

Gilbert visibly deflated as Arthur scooted backwards and plopped back down onto the loveseat. And then he thought he was going to slap himself as Francis stood up and strolled up to him, an amiable smile on his face. It just sent chills down Prussia's spine. God, was Russia watching them in the closet or something?

"Gilbert," He drawled, a hand resting itself on said man's shoulder. He gave it a little squeeze. "You're my friend and thus I have to like you to some degree." The smile fell from his face and he _squeezed_ Gilbert's shoulder. God, the man had to fight not to flail about. "But you do not touch _meine petite Mathieu._ You may look at him as long as you do not peer at anything below his waist. If you can't keep your eyes or hands off my _Mathieu_'s body, I _will_ remove them. I really will, Gilbert."

Somehow, the man knew that now was not a good time to joke around. "Got it Frenchie…" Red eyes followed where the Frenchman's eyes were looking at and he quickly untangled his fingers from Matthew's.

"Thank you." Francis went back to the loveseat and sat down. Matthew had to fight back the sigh that threatened to make itself known as Arthur stood up and walked over to them.

"Here's rule number three…" Arthur started, carefully fabricating what he's going to say in his mind. He placed his hands behind as his back as he started pacing back and forth in front of the couple. "I am aware that it is considered fashionable nowadays for people to wear their trousers so loosely that they seem to be falling off your hips." A sigh and England stopped pacing. "I'm all for the punk fashion, I've had those days and periods before… but you will not come looking like that." He started pacing again. "But you're Prussia so you're bound to forget it sooner or later, so I have a compromise for you: You can come to the door with your pants like that and I won't object." He paused directly in front of Matthew, emerald eyes scanning over the young blonde in front of him. His eyes switched to Gilbert and narrowed into slits. "However, in order to ensure that you clothes do not fall off during the date with Matthew, I will not hesitate to use… drastic measures to ensure that they are securely in place."

"You're talking about magic, right?" He sniggered.

"I have a electric nail gun. Don't mess with me."

Gilbert struggled to swallow the lump that suddenly formed in his throat. His hand almost went to seek out the Canadian's, but that look Francis gave him stopped it from doing much. "Yes, sir." Said Gilbert, red eyes staring at Arthur's less fearsome eyebrows.

Arthur smiled and switched places with Francis.

Francis squatted in front of the two before grabbing their hands in his own. He noticed how both men seemed to jump a bit at the action, but Francis decided to not ask. "I'm sure you know that in today's world, sex without utilizing a 'barrier method' of some kind can kill you." Francis's blue eyes stared intently as Gilbert knowingly nodded and Matthew's face flushed a velvety red.

Matthew sorely hoped that Francis wouldn't burst into a lesson on safe sex. He was still having problems getting over his first one with France when he was at the ripe age ten years old. Seriously, France may be the nation of passion, but did he have to be so descriptive and graphic?

A gentle squeezing of his hand jolted him out of his thoughts and he suddenly noticed the serious look that Francis was sporting…

"Let me elaborate… **I** am the barrier and **I will** kill you."

Gilbert would have laughed if anybody else besides the nation of love had told him that. No words were formed and so Gilbert flashed France a thumbs-up and a quick nod. The blonde smiled at him before retreating back to the loveseat. Arthur did not move from where he sat.

"I know that it's custom to get to know one another, but please don't do that. I know that you're France's friend and that's all I really need to know about you." Arthur paused, eyes roaming over Gilbert's stiff and rigid posture. He smirked. "All I require from you is an indication of when you think Matthew will be back at his home… safely." He paused to cough into his fist as Gilbert's red eyes lighted up in glee.

_Yes! Something that's actually normal!_ He cheered to him, a lopsided smirk growing on his pale face.

"I'm not done yet. All that I need to hear from you on that subject is _early_."

Both Matthew and Gilbert deflated.

And it was then that Matthew first noticed how the lights had dimmed significantly since Arthur and Francis began their rules… God, it was like he was talking to a mafia-clad Lovino or something.

"Gilbert," Francis addressed. "I've been your friends for a very long time so I know that you are very popular among men and women. I'm fine with that as long as my _Mathieu_ is okay with that." He paused to nod at Canada, who in return just flushed a darker shade of red and looked away. "Once you have gone out with my Canada, you will continue to date no one, but him until he is finished with you. You make him cry, I will make you cry."

Gilbert's lip quivered.

"It will not be a repeat of the Siege of Metz and the Battle of Sedan… or maybe the tables will be turned instead _mon ami_."

Prussia couldn't help, but remember how awesome that day was. Napoleon the Third surrendered and he got the French army too. Totally awesome… but that threat France just told him… it sent chills running up and down his back. Maybe there was a little bit of Russia in everybody?

"Oh, Prussia? We're not done yet." Arthur commented, picking up the teacup before taking a quick sip of it. "If you're standing in Matthew's hallway, waiting for him, and more than an hour goes by, don't sigh and fidget. I will know. I will hurt you." The way England set down his tea didn't help quell Prussia's antsy nerves. "He is taking care of that polar bear of his, which can be a very long process. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful for Matthew? Like washing his dishes?"

And the list goes on…

Matthew sighed via his nose and slumped against the sofa. Seriously, now would be the perfect time for the hero to show up. Hello? Where are you hero? People in need here. Oh? You're too busy saving the president of America? Well screw you! Your brother is getting interrogated by two very angry blondes at the moment and the president is all you can think about?!

Sheesh, heroes…

"The following places are not appropriate for a date with my Mattie: places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool." Francis listed, the look of utmost seriousness on his face. It could seriously rival Germany's. "Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness too…" The Frenchman added on as an afterthought. He tapped his long and slender fingers against his fuzzy chin as he thought up more places… "Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to make my Matthew want to wear shorts, muscle shirts, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than that red sweater of his, that fuzzy winter jacket, and his jeans."

Even Arthur seemed surprised by this extensive list.

"Francis? Isn't that… overdoing it a bit too much?"

Said blonde tipped his head to the side and peered quizzically at England. "This is Prussia we're talking about. It's best to be over prepared."

The two shared a look before Arthur nodded knowingly. "Ah… that probably is true…" He took a sip out of his cool tea.

The albino's mouth opened, but a 'tat-tat-tat' from Francis zipped him right up.

"I'm not done yet." He sang, his finger wagging at the couple sitting in front of him. He pushed back his blonde locks before continuing. "Movies with a strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay." Blue eyes darted over to Matthew before boring into red ones. "Hockey games are okay." Blue eyes traveled over to blue-violet ones. "Old folk films are better."

Identical smiles broke out on the two eldest blonde's faces. They stole a glance at each other before looking back at Canada and Prussia, both of who feel very uncomfortable with England and France staring at them like that. Arthur took another sip of his tea.

"Well, with all those frivolous things out of the way, we can get onto the most serious thing." The Brit remarked, a jovial smile on his face as he turned to France and nodded at him.

Francis nodded back before getting up and walking over to Matthew and Gilbert. He sat down right in the middle of the two and draped his arms over their shoulders. "I hope you two both know that I trust you." Francis said, intently watching the couple's reactions. Both hastily nodded at him, but Gilbert looked a bit… apprehensive. "But do not lie to me. I may an old nation with the only thing keeping me alive are my arguments with _mon amour_, **but on issues relating to my former colony, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe** Gilbert." He fixed said man with an icy blue gaze. "If I ask you were you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth, and nothing, but the truth." He paused to peck a short and sweet kiss onto Canada's paled cheek. "**I have a shotgun, a shovel, and a lot of land. Do not mess with me.**"

With that said, Francis got up from his place in Gilbert's and Matthew's person bubble. With a jovial air surrounding him, he placed a quick kiss onto Arthur's lips (Before the man could slap him) and scurried out of the house.

Arthur wiped his lips on his sleeve before disappearing into the kitchen as if they didn't just spend an hour or three talking about what Gilbert could and could not do. He poked his head out. "It's pretty late. I have two separate guest rooms that I can prepare if you two want to spend to the night here…"

Gilbert and Matthew exchanged traumatized looks before the blonde spoke up in a soft, quivering voice. "No it's fine. We'll be going now Arthur. Bye."

The two were out the door before Arthur could even wave them goodbye.

It was days like these that make Gilbert wish for his golden ages…

Like during the Franco-Prussian war where Gilbert totally kicked Francis's sorry ass into tomorrow.

Oh how he longed for those days.


End file.
